I even did a 60-day juice-only fast, injected myself with hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin), consumed only 500 calories per day, and used phentermine and handfuls of laxatives to try to control my weight and appetite. I discovered that I was REALLY good at losing weight; I was even better at gaining it back. Every time, I rebounded and was in worse shape than when I started. Deep depression also played a role. The loneliness and isolation of binge eating and secret purging created so much shame. I felt like a fraud all the time. People thought I had it together, but I was a wreck behind closed doors.
Finally, I crashed. I could no longer keep up the act. I walked away from an amazing job with no real plan. I just could not do it anymore. This was the darkest time of my life. I was suicidal, and my medications no longer worked. I went as far as having electric shock therapy (electroconvulsive therapy) 12 times, only resulting in brain damage with major, permanent memory loss. I became even more depressed. I gave up on life. To almost the entire world, I ceased to exist. I disconnected from all social media. I stayed inside at one point for five months straight… I don’t simply mean I didn’t go out much; I did not even walk outside to feel the sunlight on my face. My only comfort was food, constantly bingeing and purging all day, every day. I didn’t drive for five years. Since I wasn’t in the public eye anymore, I lost control of my weight and found myself at 309 pounds. I decided that this was my fate, and my life was over. This is how I would die—I was even okay with that.
Faced with the possibility of real death, I realized I didn’t want to die. I wanted to live!
I was still overwhelmed by my weight and health, but there was a new spark in me. I decided to try again. That’s when I found keto. Rather, my husband did. I had success on low-carb dieting in the past, so I figured that would be the most effective way to lose weight once again. Mike searched Facebook for support groups, and I rejoined social media after my lengthy hiatus. He added me to several low-carb groups. One was “Ketogenic Success.” I didn’t understand the difference between a ketogenic lifestyle for health and a simple low-carb diet. However, the support from that page drew me in, and I found myself spending hours every day interacting, learning, and being encouraged. I learned that ingredients matter a lot when doing keto for health. I started to read every book I could get my hands on about a ketogenic diet. All the while, I was eating keto and eliminating and adjusting my food as I learned more about what was good for me and what wasn’t.
About two months in, I realized something huge: I HAD NOT BINGED OR PURGED. Two months! I realized right then that this was different. I was obsessed with finding out why. I wanted to know the science; I wanted to understand why—after 31 years of failure—I was not bingeing and purging. My answer was that I had eliminated all sugar, grains, and most carbs other than dairy, nuts, and leafy green vegetables. I had detoxed. My body was free of the foods to which I was most addicted, and I did not crave them anymore. It was a miracle in my life. I continued to learn, study, and help others as much as I could.
I had used the bingeing and bulimia to soothe emotions, memories, and anything else I didn’t want to feel. Unhealthy food had kept me in a fog. I had used it to numb from age 11 to 41. It had kept me in a prison of fear. Once a ketogenic lifestyle freed me from all of that, I knew I would never go back.
Today, I am 44 years old. For the past three years, I have been clean from bulimia, anorexia, and compulsive overeating. I have never felt so alive in my life. Through the pain of this journey, my life’s purpose has been revealed to me! I am here to tell others who think their life is over because of eating disorders that there is HOPE! I am even at the point where I can say that I am grateful for all that happened in my life, and I wouldn’t change it! All of it brought me to where I am today. I lost 135 pounds in the first 21 months eating keto and have kept that off since. I was also able to get off my medications for bladder disease, chronic migraine, anxiety, depression, and sleep disorder. My blood pressure is perfect at a consistent 112/73.
Real food heals! Spread the word!
Powerful article!! Thank you!
Thank you for reading it! I’m so grateful for the opportunity to share!